Tranquility today: 12:25 am snacking on the last of the berries & broccoli from the fruit and veggie trays listening to Passenger who Keeps On Walking. 4 women connected by technology, motivation & ... me?! This life coaching gig is a full circle trip. Is it about coaching at all... Or is it … respite?
My auntie Laurie and uncle David Iverson gave me respite once (yeah, Emma Rose them... way back when). Two glorious weeks free of chaos & confusion, I got to cross-stitch and watch Ben Hur in black and white. They were two weeks of safety and serenity for me... I don't know what they were for my uncle Dave, or cousins Em & Micah, but I know my auntie doesn't even remember them. Now, I want to give kids safety, and people rest & reprieve even if just for a moment from the stress, chaos and demands of life to connect with... themselves, their laugh, their emotions, their wants, their humanity, divinity... breath... life. I'll be honest, I hoped for 5 today and had to beg for 4. I'm not proud, but I'm not super duper embarrassed either... I believe people have a right to be safe enough to feel and breathe and process... And as imperfectly unsteady, unready and human as I am... I believe I can offer moments of respite & reprieve, rejuvenation, reflection, & maybe even rejoicing. But, unlike auntie, I hope I never forget this unmonumental "beginning".
It's officially the LAST day of the year. I've looked for tranquility everyday this year. Most days it's been there, sometimes tucked into the trials, but there. They’ve often been life savers, these tranquil nuggets in this chaotic cacophony we live in:
sharing the Blessing song with parents of a newborn grandbaby,
a hot jetted bathtub and a certain bearded mountain man,
a 15 minute meditation,
an online worldwide waterfall hunt after someone sends me a picture of an amazing waterfall,
a playful tryst in another new home,
a Bible verse that jumped out and hollered at me
an hour and a half Haystack hike,
a warm under-the-covers sleep-in on a too-cold morning,
getting lost in a book on a plane,
a naked stretch out on sun drenched triple pile carpet… like a fat, happy cat!
a wrinkly arm hug from a forgetful, frail woman,
still making index card memories, every… single… month… with a man worthy of my love,
a grandchild's laugh as we walk the neighborhood circle,
a warm cup of something good and time for no one but myself,
oddly enough… mourning with those who mourn, because my time has come and gone and will come again and as morbid as it is, this time with them reminds me of who I was before loss changed me and that I will change again into someone new the next time it happens,
a tick tocking clock while I read the Bible and Calathea plant unfolds to the light of day
a slightly planned waterfall hike with a world traveling baby brother,
a dock and tent in some forgotten Tennessee town
line dancing on cousin Rick’s property during the Barrett Family Reunion
a Bunko game with real-live, not zoomed people, after too much isolation
no work days to just read and write until she wakes
warm fuzzy socks to squish cold toes into,
… a twinkling Christmas tree and empty fruit & veggie trays.