I’m here. Today, this day. I am here. Aware and awake and … me. Not 100% me, but me. I’ve been in a COVID funk for, gosh, years, do I really have to say that? Yes, literally years now. I have flashes in time, traumatic memories and moments that this evil one has scarred me, and those I love with. It’s not over, but I trust God and science that it is diminishing. I, so far, am surviving, not thriving, but today feels brighter. I, we, those I am closest to, have survived thus far. There have been casualties, and there will continue to be. Some have lost their lives and some are yet to lose theirs. Some have lost their livelihoods, and some may yet lose their careers. Some have been scarred by the physical or psychological ravages of this evil one, some are still in the thick of their trauma. No one is unscathed.
But I’m here. Today, this day. I am here. At peace. At my keyboard, with mountains in view… writing, for the simple pleasure of writing! And it occurs to me that though I don’t always write with the mountains in view I think I like to write best when they are. Now it occurs to me, that’s not fully accurate, there was that wonderful dock, on the banks of some river in Tennessee, the name of which I’ve now quite forgotten. Maybe, I like to write best when there’s peace in my soul, and maybe I most easily find peace when I’m wrapped up in Creation’s beauty.
Anyway, I’m here. He hunts (he of course is the grizzly bear I call my husband, well usually I call him Jeremy, but grizzly bear works too). She sleeps (she is my 90 year old grandma with dementia who lives with us. I usually call her Gramma, or Gramma-lady in written word). They will be here soon (they are some of my grandchildren, I usually call them by name). You are here too. Not at the same time as me, but you are here now. Hello you! Welcome to my peaceful moment!
This moment is 8:56am Pacific Time on November 27th in the year of our Lord 2021, I sit in one of my most favorite unnatural places. Inside walls of wood and sheetrock I hole up. The heater just clicked on, cars hum by outside, olive green clock ticks lull me from the kitchen. My soft and cozy, fuzzy brown double recliner holds me, and I pause writing for a moment to reach for, and hold, something of my own. A warm cup of goodness! Ahhhh... Feet up, laptop propped on legs, I am here, and I am at peace, for this moment.
The house is remarkably clean. I spent hours yesterday before she woke cleaning it and listening to Rachel Hollis’ “Girl, Stop Apologizing” from my Audible app. I’m not a neat freak, I cleaned to prepare. Christmastime is here! We will decorate, and for some reason, in my mind, I need it to be very clean before I can decorate. This is a special decoration year for me. I am in MY own home for Christmas for the first time since 2016. I have Christmassed on the Chicken Farm, where I was quite welcome, but never quite “at home”. We Christmassed last year in a house that, though it belonged to us in name, was the “home” of the Gramma-lady. This year, my name and my heart are in this house, and I think that’s what makes it my own even though I share it.
It’s Saturday, soon she will be up. We will go to get the grandchildren, and a day of introductory Christmas fun will ensue. I can only speculate from my peaceful seat now, how it will all play out but I know it will not be like this. Not quiet. She likes the TV on ALL THE TIME, so loud it drowns out the clicks of the heater and tocks of the clocks. They are tiny humans but so big with noise and questions and giggles and rattles and musical toys. No, it will not be quiet, but Lord willing, just as blissfully peaceful.
May your day too be filled with peace, despite any noise, any trauma, any business that ensues. Peace be with you!
I’m known for asking questions, please indulge me... I have a question for you today. You are here now.
Where is “here” for you?
Wait… one more question… Would you stop for a moment and breathe deeply? In …. out … in again. Hold. Think. Feel. Exhale.
What are your feelings and thoughts at this moment?
Do you have peace? If so, why? If not, why not? Share publicly, or privately, or just with yourself.
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