One year ago today was a Sunday.
One year ago today nothing would ever be the same.
One year ago today the man who would never leave me walked out the door.
One year ago today I literally came home from the grocery store to a “good-bye & good-luck” letter.
One year ago today I was abandoned, but I was not alone.
One year ago today, my sweet, sweet Savior, as gentle and loving as ever, was there.
One year ago today my family was there, my children near, and loved ones hundreds and thousands of miles away were just a phone call away.
One year ago today my friends, oh my amazing friends, were so there.
It would be a lie to say I wanted it to happen. It would be a lie to say I’m glad that it happened. It would also be a lie to say I wish it never happened. I’m grateful it happened. I don’t think there was anything so bad it couldn’t have been worked out. I think family and marriage are worth fighting for… but that’s not the way it played out, and it’s cool. I’m not one to grovel, or stay where I’m not wanted, or lay down and give up, play the victim, or wallow in a place of sadness for long.
Like King David did when his baby died and God did nothing to save it… I got up, washed my face, cut my hair and moved on from The Leaving to The Middle.
And here I wait, I heal, I laugh and live and make mistakes and try to be kind and honest and healthy and honor God with all I do and say. I embrace this crazy, amazing, lovely, absolutely wonderful life God has given me.
I love my life! My faith, family and friends are here for me. I am getting stronger every day and I like who I am becoming. My Middle is good! Settling down is on its way in due time. I can’t wait to find the church that I will be able to call “my” church. I can wait for the man I will call “my” man. I’m still too wounded to be a good partner in a relationship but I’m well enough to have great fun with real good guys! It’s nice even if my approach is … unconventional, and yes, I am staying pure and will remain that way! ;)
One year ago today started a year of firsts “without him.” I made it, not with as much grace as I would have liked but I made it.
Today I start a year of “just me” … and Jesus, and my family, and my friends, and my gym and handsome suitors, and who knows how My Middle will flow? I do not, but I am excited for it!