Is it OK for a “good” Christian woman to write about sex? Is it OK for me to want it, given my circumstance and all? I hate that in my culture, the good, pure, Christian community things like this aren't OK to talk about. I actually hate that Christian women in general are made to believe sex is a chore. Really?! I mean out of all the things in life a person “has” to do, is sex really a chore? I must be an exception because it's never seemed like a chore to me… It's a natural urge, a God given gift and I'm a woman in the prime of my life, actually, physically at the height of my sexual drive probably and I've been deprived because of … well, differences in opinion that are leading to divorce.
The thing is… I'm a good Christian woman so I'm not supposed to talk about my urges, maybe I'm not even supposed to have them. Apparently from what I've read in Christian literature and the Huffington Post, women have a limited desire for sex. What?! For real?! I cannot be the only woman who thinks about sex ALL THE TIME... Can I? Please say no!
I absolutely believe in what the Bible teaches about sex and so I'm not saying I want to have sex right now. Obviously I won't go out and have it with just anyone, nor would I want to, that's gross and wrong and depraved and sad.... That's not the part that bugs me. What bothers me is that in the unchurched community this conversation, with someone who's been sexually deprived for WELL over an acceptable amount of time would be understood, sympathized with, and not frowned upon but in my world, my culture, my Christian community this talk is going to get me in BIG trouble!
My question is why? Sex is natural, good and necessary to life, seriously not a single one of us would be here without it. (Ok, ok there may be a scant few artificially inseminated people out there but you get my point). I'm the first to admit it's a precious, intimate act that should be appreciated and special and shouldn't be misused or taken or had lightly or promiscuously but why can't I talk about it? Why do we as a Christian community keep sex so under wraps or as one of those things men want and women must give in to? Is this something Christian men talk about and keep from the women? Because Christian women don't talk about sex… like ever! Like seriously, I've been a Christian woman since 1999 and I've NEVER had a conversation with another Christian woman about my sex life (ummm except recently in my frustrated state, thanks JC an TT for putting up with me :).
So I'm going to talk about it… I've been having sex regularly the entire scope of my marriage and, for that matter, most of my adult life, and now obviously I'm not and it's a big deal to me, like a big deal!!!! … but one I don't feel safe talking about because I don't want to offend any good Christian people and I don't want to give anyone else the wrong idea. But I'm ready to go there (sorry dad, moms, Gramma, kids and all the other good Christian people reading this). I like sex! There I said it!!! I LOVE SEX!! It was one of my favorite parts of life and now it's gone, and if I have it, unmarried well... that's not even an option. It's a solo mission for my foreseeable future and that makes me sad!!!! I don't want that, but I want to be able to talk about the frustration. I want to hear someone say it's OK to feel robbed and cheated of a natural, God-given gift.
Maybe that's why I write hot, sexy scenes (between married characters) the way I do. Because I don't think it should be so hidden (but then again I hate porn so… how do I justify writing scenes like the ones I do?). Private, intimate, personal, that's everything sex is supposed to be. I don't want anyone knowing my sexual business and I think porn and objectification or idolization of sex is wrong but to appreciate it, to talk about it, to bring it out into the Light… that's not wrong. What I think is wrong is trying to deny or admit God-given urges. What I think is wrong is me not feeling safe admitting I miss sex. I don't want it with just anyone, but I want to feel safe admitting that I genuinely miss it. Most of my adult life I had amazing, mind-blowing sex, and yes my husband was an amazing lover! I miss it! It was an awesome part of my life, and it's gone. Is that wrong to admit? Didn't God make me to desire it, to get enjoyment from giving and receiving sexual pleasure to and from my spouse? Yes He did! It's in the Bible!!! I read it daily, sex is most assuredly in there! For me to be without it is not God's perfect plan. And since reconciliation seems to be off the table, I promise you I'll be looking for a partner in life, in spirituality, and in sexual intimacy as soon as this divorce is final if reconciliation doesn't happen.
I'm in a place where I don't have the opportunity to enjoy making love to my man. It's not fair, it's not God's plan and it's ummm, uhhhh, frustrating…!!!!! ... But it's my life right now. I'm a Christian woman, left for reasons that are still unclear to me and I miss having sex. There I said it again! I miss sex. I believe God made it and it is GOOD! And if my writing reflects a strong sexual desire I say to you it's because God made it, God blessed it and sex, in the right context, is beyond good! He didn't make a mistake, He made a pretty awesome mechanism for procreation and intimacy. I thank Him for it and I look forward to the day I can have it again. There! Whew! Glad I got that out of me! I will continue to write passionate sex scenes the way I do and if I'm being punished for it, I guess I'll answer for it in due time… until then, if you're married make good love… because some of us can't right now!!!