Is it something that I wore?

I’m going to do this, I’m going to go there. If ever I wanted debate or comments on any blog post, I think it would be this one. Here’s the truth I absolutely, 100% completely judge women (and men) based on what they wear. If you look like as slut, well, that’s the first descriptor that pops into my head when I see you. If you wear vagina shorts to the gym I think you’re there to show off you hooch or backside as much as your strength. If you wear a running skirt, I assume you must be a more than modest woman. If you wear pajamas to the store, I think you have a low self-esteem, are depressed or exhausted with life. If you wear camo, I expect you to be a hunter, Carhartts a working man with thick callouses. If you’re all name brand from your head to shoes, I assume either you’re wealthy and it’s your norm or that you’re obsessed with image and idolize yourself. Marley shirts, you’re 420 friendly. Suits, business, politics or religion.

I judge.

I’m not proud that I make these judgement calls but I admit I do. And I know I am not alone. It’s what we do, we categorize, we sort, we order our world and our people. The worst part for me is that that slut judgement call I made… might, maybe point right back to me. It’s possible that my assault happened because of something that I wore. It was risqué, and I put it on with the intention of having people notice me. I felt pretty… I can’t say sexy, but definitely pretty. Did I intend to provoke an assault? No, but a reaction for sure. Did I ask for it? Absolutely not! ... But I’ve always struggled with the what ifs of that night.

If I hadn’t chosen THAT to wear, would he have done what he did? If my legs were more covered, access more restricted, could I have saved myself? Was my choice of outfit the reason I was assaulted? Could my clothing have been a consideration for him? Compared to naked women in some equatorial developing countries I was definitely more covered, so it couldn’t have been my clothes that begged him to touch me, right?! Or was it? Am I responsible… even in the smallest way for his violation of my body?

In my heart of hearts, I truly believe evil will be evil no matter what the situation is. I do not think my choice of attire should have been a factor in his decision to assault me. I do not believe I should have been assaulted, or anyone should be sexually assaulted ever! No matter what! No matter why! There is never a reason for anyone to violate the sexual boundaries of another. EVER!

So what does that mean? Can I dress seductively if I feel like it and expect to be as safe as if I dress like I’m going to court? I’ll be honest, I feel super sexy in fishnet! I LOVE the way my legs look and feel in them, I feel pretty when I wear them… but am terrified to wear them around men in too short skirts! I love seeing my shape, that I’ve trained hard for, and I can only see it in clothes that hug my curves. I want to show off my hard work, it didn’t happen on accident. But is that wrong? Provocative?

Do I consider how others perceive me? Of course! That’s part of the reason I dress as I do. Since I was offended, I’m careful in what I wear, how low or how high it goes and when and where I’ll dress in certain things. But why? If I feel pretty, sexy or cute in it, shouldn’t I be able to wear it? And yet I still sit in judgement of ladies that dress provocatively.
I judge! Me! The one who was offended. Do I think they’re asking for it? Maybe? Or maybe it’s fear, that they’re gonna get it. I know what an offense like that feels like. I know how the question will haunt them, if they’re violated for the rest of their lives. Do I judge because I think they’re provoking evil ? And why? Why do I make that call when I would feel pretty wearing the same thing? I don’t know.

Do you judge? Do you have an opinion on the topic? Can you speculate on why I judge them the way I do? Please leave comments and dialog on this one!