Is it something that I wore?
I’m going to do this, I’m going to go there. If ever I wanted debate or comments on any blog post, I think it would be this one. Here’s the truth I absolutely, 100% completely judge women (and men) based on what they wear. If you look like as slut, well, that’s the first descriptor that pops into my head when I see you. If you wear vagina shorts to the gym I think you’re there to show off you hooch or backside as much as your strength. If you wear a running skirt, I assume you must be a more than modest woman. If you wear pajamas to the store, I think you have a low self-esteem, are depressed or exhausted with life. If you wear camo, I expect you to be a hunter, Carhartts a working man with thick callouses. If you’re all name brand from your head to shoes, I assume either you’re wealthy and it’s your norm or that you’re obsessed with image and idolize yourself. Marley shirts, you’re 420 friendly. Suits, business, politics or religion.
I’m not proud that I make these judgement calls but I admit I do. And I know I am not alone. It’s what we do, we categorize, we sort, we order our world and our people. The worst part for me is that that slut judgement call I made… might, maybe point right back to me. It’s possible that my assault happened because of something that I wore. It was risqué, and I put it on with the intention of having people notice me. I felt pretty… I can’t say sexy, but definitely pretty. Did I intend to provoke an assault? No, but a reaction for sure. Did I ask for it? Absolutely not! ... But I’ve always struggled with the what ifs of that night.
If I hadn’t chosen THAT to wear, would he have done what he did? If my legs were more covered, access more restricted, could I have saved myself? Was my choice of outfit the reason I was assaulted? Could my clothing have been a consideration for him? Compared to naked women in some equatorial developing countries I was definitely more covered, so it couldn’t have been my clothes that begged him to touch me, right?! Or was it? Am I responsible… even in the smallest way for his violation of my body?
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe evil will be evil no matter what the situation is. I do not think my choice of attire should have been a factor in his decision to assault me. I do not believe I should have been assaulted, or anyone should be sexually assaulted ever! No matter what! No matter why! There is never a reason for anyone to violate the sexual boundaries of another. EVER!
So what does that mean? Can I dress seductively if I feel like it and expect to be as safe as if I dress like I’m going to court? I’ll be honest, I feel super sexy in fishnet! I LOVE the way my legs look and feel in them, I feel pretty when I wear them… but am terrified to wear them around men in too short skirts! I love seeing my shape, that I’ve trained hard for, and I can only see it in clothes that hug my curves. I want to show off my hard work, it didn’t happen on accident. But is that wrong? Provocative?
Do I consider how others perceive me? Of course! That’s part of the reason I dress as I do. Since I was offended, I’m careful in what I wear, how low or how high it goes and when and where I’ll dress in certain things. But why? If I feel pretty, sexy or cute in it, shouldn’t I be able to wear it? And yet I still sit in judgement of ladies that dress provocatively.
I judge! Me! The one who was offended. Do I think they’re asking for it? Maybe? Or maybe it’s fear, that they’re gonna get it. I know what an offense like that feels like. I know how the question will haunt them, if they’re violated for the rest of their lives. Do I judge because I think they’re provoking evil ? And why? Why do I make that call when I would feel pretty wearing the same thing? I don’t know.
Do you judge? Do you have an opinion on the topic? Can you speculate on why I judge them the way I do? Please leave comments and dialog on this one!
3/30/2016 06:28:43 am
We all judge. What you wear has no bearing on if "you asked for it". You should be able to walk down the street with just tassels on, and not have an issue. You hit the nail on the head with evil is evil. Does wearing a dress or skirt make you a more viable target than one wearing skinny jeans? Ease of access does make it easier, less of a fight. Bottom line is No means No. It doesn't matter what you wear. The individuals that do this to other people will have there repercussions. We just might not see it happen. Pretty brave to put yourself out there with this topic. Good job!
3/30/2016 07:32:46 am
Thank you for your comment! It's just one of those questions that needs to be asked and talked about.
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