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If you don't love her... leave her!

2/5/2019

1 Comment

 
Picture
I don't know why this meme-y thing gets me every time I read it, but it does! It has clearly inspired me to write, so write I shall! I wish to understand the reasoning behind those who like this, can we talk about it...? Please, don’t read any further until you identify your own opinion about the meme. And if you’d be so bold as to share, please, share your opinion because I truly do want to understand.
Why do some ladies love this sentiment so much?

Are there any ladies that do not like this sentiment?

What do men think of it?

As for me, and here’s where it gets cathartic, but hey, I can go to my next counseling appointment and say I’m working through stuff, so there’s that... I got left in 2015 after 15 years with a good enough guy. It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me... Devastated me and wrecked me to my core. I've got a great man now, but that pain broke me and I will never be the same. Now my new, great man lives with someone who, in a lot of ways, is a shell of who I once was before I was left.

I don't get where this sentiment is coming from. What is the beauty in him leaving? And when would it be good to leave? After the first date, or before the first date if she doesn’t take his breath away, after the first month, sure, maybe, but after a year, five or ten years of marriage? When is The Leaving good or a favor? (Of course I’m referring to “safe” relationships, I’m not talking about staying with a cheater, abuser or other kind of deal breaker) When should he leave? And does the way she looks in the morning really warrant a leaving?

After 15 years together, having a good enough life, the pain of that leaving is horrible and senseless in my opinion. Did I survive? Yes. Did I find love? Yes! And honestly an amazing love like I'd never have known if 'he' didn't leave. He did do me a favor when he left because there’s never been a man to love me and get me like the chicken farmer does… But, if I'm honest, I’m a short fuse and a fearful partner. I’m ready to run at a moments notice because I'm paranoid and petrified it can all end at his whim, if I don't fascinate him and look beautiful in the morning, each and every morning. I’d rather not be left again, so I stand perched to leave so that I can be the one to decide. I tell myself I don’t need him, repeatedly, and I do this so it won’t hurt so bad if he leaves too, because I am terrified that he will.

In some ways I'm the perfect picture of this sentiment, I did absolutely find a better after 'he' left. He did do me a favor, but is it really better if the damage is beyond repair? … is it better if, all of a sudden, Jeremy too takes this sentiment to heart when I am not extraordinary and yet another man leaves me because my love for the things he does not love bores him?

I think there's beauty in commitment, in staying, in shared history, in life and years and the boring, old usual things that aren't always extraordinary, just simple. Plain. Day in, day out. I want life together with my person, who sometimes doesn't impress or I don’t impress him, secure in the knowledge that we will always, always, always be there for each other. I'll take he who stays, who doesn't always expect me to be the air he breathes. I’ll be his partner for life trying desperately to be everything at all times including ready to leave before I’m left. And sadly he has to deal with a mess because someone else left me. And when does it go away, this primal fear inside me stirred up by this meme? When will I believe he will stay when someone else did not? Not after a year... maybe two? Sixteen? When?

And like Forrest said, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.


1 Comment
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9/21/2019 01:51:52 am

If you know that you do not love the person, then it is better if you just stop seeing her. Well, you cannot really force yourself to love her, now, can you? Nonetheless, if you have to force yourself into loving someone, then it is better to not love at all. Love should be genuine and natural, it is not something that you can just emulate because you want to. Love is about passion, not just some random physical attraction.

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