I’d like to think that I can do this dating thing better now than I did as an insecure, horny teenager. With all due respect and reverence to the Faith that is my Guiding Light in life, I’m tired of looking for signs. If I needed a sign, I got one with He Who Left. I was sure he was the one for life… I’m done with signs; I don’t care how many pop up. I’m done with feelings, I don’t’ care how strong they are.
I’m not done with love.
I’m a romance writer. I believe in love! I’d like to believe I’m worthy of love and that I can find One who will not leave. I believe the Bible, and believe it’s not good for me to be alone. But this time it won’t be a pressured, horny or emotional decision, it will be deliberate, intentional and calculated. I have purposed this time in my life to meet good guys and do fun stuff. I want a man that will not leave me, even when it’s hard. I want a man that I can respect and honor and compliment. I want a man who believes in me and loves me. I’m sensible enough to believe there isn’t just one man that fits this mold. I believe I’m not the only woman who fits any man’s mold. We are souls compatible and incompatible. We are bodies, minds, spirits, capable of coupling and partnering for life despite differences. It is my strategic plan to choose the man I partner with best and who is the best match for me, in the time I have to search. I’m not making a lifetime of looking, I’m gathering data, and in due time will see who sticks and who I partner with best. If I have to have fun dating, getting to know good guys and doing fun stuff that none of us will regret later to find a match, I will happily take on the task and do that!
So, I am dating online and in real life. I’m not one to keep it online so if they aren’t local and can’t hold my interest, meh… I bore easily and move on. I’m interested in meeting guys… to look at, touch, hear, talk to, smell and maybe taste every now and then… just being honest. (Don’t take that too far, I’m a good Christian woman and have conservative boundaries I DO NOT cross. I’ve trained my body not just to get fit but to prove that I have self- control over my urges)
I really like the online forum and wish that real-life worked the same way, because then it would be a more local pool of people. As it is, in real life, women are told, trained and believe that making the first move is fool-hearty. Men are, for all their bravado and big talk, scared to death to approach ladies with twinkling eyes and seductive smiles. I have no way of telling men my status. I have no way of saying what my interests, religious beliefs or family dynamic is. Online, the basics are right there. For all my convoluted conversations about absurd notions, I’m a direct person when it comes to how I want to live my life. I appreciate having stats right there.
Of course the hope would be people are honest and I can say the men I’ve actually met are genuinely good men that are, like me, looking to see what’s out there. Some say hi and quickly learn I’m not their cup of tea or vice versa. Some make it to coffee and no further. Exactly two in three months have made their way into real dates. One is a nice guy but not so bold as I like and won’t make the cut.
The other… well, I like him. He’s cool! He’s fit, he’s a man of God and action and yeah, I like him. Is he the one? Who knows!?!?! As much as I like him, I’m not ready to make that call. He’s definitely potential. But I’ve got plenty of time to see what else is out there. He’s definitely someone’s cup of tea. I’m not worried, either we’ll be together or we won’t. The beauty of it is… he’s an amazing guy and he won’t have any difficulty finding someone. I know whether it’s me or someone else he will be honored and loved and he will find what he’s looking for.
I didn’t expect to be an object of affection. It’s humbling and weighty. It’s easy to fall for the feelings. But I won’t. I’ll continue to look for good guys and do fun stuff. I’ll cultivate relationships full of fun but free of regret. I’ll get to know good men. I’ll get to do fun stuff. I’ll see who sticks. The Leaving almost killed me. If I have to take time now to shake out the leavers, I will, with no regrets.
The hard part is that this is real-life. This isn’t a story I’m creating, with paper characters that I can tear down to build up into a great story. These are real men with real bodies, minds, souls and spirits. They are taking time with me and I owe them gratitude and honor for considering me worthy of their time. These are good men I’m meeting. They are taking time with me. I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I mean to know what drives them, what wakes them up in the morning, why they would be interested in me, if our lives could blend for the rest of our lifetimes. I mean to make the wisest choice, for him and for me, in the time I have to choose.
All in all, over the last 3 months, dating has been fun, I look forward to the next part of my middle… and to the time and the man that I can intentionally fall in love with. Until then, this is fun!!! I will date as I live with chaos and irony and passion and pleasure and First things First. Someday I will love again, for now, it’s good guys and fun stuff!