“So breathe mama, keep breathing…” A package in the mail. A card that told me to breathe and took my breath away. A book that told me, the mother who couldn’t keep my son alive, that I was the mother of all mothers. Who knew this grief of mine and would send this? The painfully sad thing is… in an instant I thought of her, and her, and her, and her, and… so many women who might know I needed to be reminded to breathe, because they knew this breath sucking pain of loss all too well. I rapid texted “Did you send this?” to a handful of ladies who had been offering comfort, but Carrie was first, and she did in fact send the breath in the mail that got me through a solid week or more. Carrie Sorensen is the mother of all mothers and has a lot to say on losing a child to suicide… I first met Carrie sometime back when our kids were in school together. She had a cute girl. I had a cute boy. They liked each other and were boyfriend and girlfriend cute together for a time. I admired Carrie’s heart for the Lord and her family. She was, and is even more now, an inspiration and example of what a good mom and godly woman is. Carrie knows this pain all too well. I mourned with her nearly three years ago when she lost her daughter, Andrea the same way I lost Jake. She took her grief to the Lord and shared her pain, her questions, her hopeful-despite-it spirit, and unflappable faith with all of us on her website: https://thesorensen5.wixsite.com/website-1 No one can say it all but Carrie’s carefully crafted words and posts speak to the heart of the pain I now know on a far more personal level than I ever wanted to. Her depth and raw honesty on her loss and how she’s processing it has long been beautiful. In these weeks and months and one full season since the unthinkable her words have become a safety net I can fall into. I do not want to feel this, think this, know this, but there is unexpected comfort in knowing this, all of this, is not unique to me. I am not alone. God is here and she has walked this journey ahead of me. If you are struggling with grief or loss or questioning your faith, you too might find some comfort in her words. Thank you Carrie <3 CARRIE’S STATS: What Carrie has to say about books: “So, reading has been challenging for the last 3 years…I can’t keep my brain from wandering. So I crochet and listen! But…I have started reading again!” Last book read: The Outsiders – SE Hinton Current books: The Uglies …middle school teacher right? Karen Kingsbury: Truly, Madly, Deeply Her book rec: A Grief Disguised – How the Soul Grows Through Loss by Jerry Sittser “[Jerry Sittser] was a prof at Whitworth, and he emailed me that he had seen Andrea worshiping… My best friend sent it to me within days of losing her, and I read it in those first few weeks. It showed me one could survive unimaginable loss…it can be done… “
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I’m ashamed to admit it took my son dying by suicide to want to know more about suicide statistics. I only knew one statistic... 22. 22 veterans die each day by suicide (but do they really? – read on...). Then my son was a veteran suicide statistic. Now I’m hungry to know all about suicide. Because I have declared war on suicide. There still will be casualties, but that number is going down! The vile darkness of suicide will be pushed back and away. The Art of War, an ancient work on universal military tactics (which are still used to this day), insists you must know your enemy (and yourself) if you’re to win your battle. First thing’s first, I do not know my enemy yet. I don’t. I don’t know how it, that is suicide, works, how it infiltrates and infects minds. Which minds are more vulnerable and how we can take it out at the knees. What I believe is suicide has always been a thing. It’s in the Bible. King Saul fell on his sword instead of dying by an enemy hand. Judas killed himself after his betrayal of Christ. I believe it’s always been here, but that it is growing in ferocity and number. I believe it is not only a physical battle but waged at a spiritual level as well. I believe we, as in all of us, can affect change in the number of suicides that happen every day. I don’t know much yet, but I’ve learned some things… What I have learned since Jake’s June 30th death-by-suicide is that the 22 a day statistic is irrefutably, verifiably skewed. Though he is one of many, and even one is too many, the daily average for veteran suicide is lower than 22. What is the veteran suicide rate then if not the infamous 22? I’m still trying to flesh that one out. The VA has a lot of “age and sex adjusted” rates. I’m not sure what that means (is it code for “let’s try not to make it look as bad as it actually is” or “let’s adjust it to make it even for all ages and sexes”?). What they did say clearly in a 2022 report/analysis on veteran suicide, or as clearly as any government report can, is suicide is the second leading cause of death for veterans (male and female) aged 18-34 (and males through age 44)… so if you have a young veteran WATCH THEM! Generally speaking, I’ve learned suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people up to the age of 24. A suicide happens every 11 minutes. There are warning signs. There are approximately 25 attempts before a successful suicide. (These previous facts were gleaned from a Suicide 101 training this month). I’ve learned that about 60% of suicide attempts are successful the first time, the majority of those were with guns, it is one of the ten most common ways to die BUT psychiatric intervention significantly reduces the risk of successful suicide. I’ve learned about 14% of the population has considered suicide, and according to a QPR training I took years ago… the #1 predictor of a suicide is a previous attempt in the last 12 months. I also learned that the “R” means REFER, as in refer someone suicidal to professionals for help. And I tell you all our referral system is BROKEN! That’s what I know for now. If you want to be in the conversation, have a fact to share or are otherwise affected or drawn to the suicide prevention battle, message me: [email protected] This summer my son died. He was not well. It was suicide. What else is there to write? What else is there to tell? That's how it is for me right now. I want to tell everyone he is gone and that's really all I want to talk about. I want to stand on the tallest mountain and scream it to the world, "My son is dead! Gone. He should be here." I want to tell it to the cashier in the grocery store, "My son was a Marine. Was. Because he's dead now." I want everyone, everywhere to know my sadness, my sorrow, my pain, but not everyone can and, seriously, I don't wish it on anyone, and, well, it's awkward and quite honestly a buzz kill to shout stuff like that. Grief, I've been told, does what it wants and is unique for each one of us. Knowing that, I wonder if I'm the only one that's ever wanted to do that. To MAKE them know (who is them? All of them, the whole entire world) know a piece of my very existence is GONE from life for good. Am I the only one that randomly cries when grief throat punches me with a song, a thought, a photo and doesn't want anyone to see my sorrow while simultaneously wanting them all to see exactly that... and care! Care that my world is irretrievably broken. Am I the only one who wants to sleep and sleep and sleep and hide away from all of life to make it all stop spinning... the world... the thoughts in my head... all of it? Am I the only one who saw it coming and yet didn't think this would ever really happen? Am I the only one? What I've found is, though I may grieve differently than anyone else (and that's my right because you get to grieve however you want) there are elements of sameness in each of us who has to. We have all loved and lost and that similarity alone is enough to do things to humanity. It gives me comfort that I'm not all alone. Some know, and though I'm sorry for their loss too, and wish with all my heart they didn't, and I didn’t know, we do. We know it. We feel grief. I'm immensely grateful for those who mourn, for they have comforted me. Their presence and guidance in this gauntlet, as one of them called it, is salve to my wounded soul even as I walk this path. I am new to this journey and they assure me… it changes EVERYTHING! I’m starting to believe them. Jake’s loss has forced me, not surprisingly, to evaluate my relationship with him... the “what-ifs” and “if-onlys” of course, but also, surprisingly, shockingly actually every... single... other part and parcel of my life. My writing hasn't escaped evaluation anymore than my day job, or what we named our new Airbnb... Grief has a python hold on my life and whether I want to or not... I must go on, but where I go from here will forever be different... I had a mission statement for my life. I created it more years ago than I can count. I made one revision to it just before my world shut down… or maybe it happened when the whole wide world shut down. Whenever it was, and ever since then, my mission statement for life has been, “I live and write to elicit raw, honest emotion; to keep kids safe; and to reveal the soul-saving truth of Jesus Christ.” I thought over it and pondered it and truly believed this segmented sentence really did wrap up the sum total of who I am. Then this. My boy. My son. My self-professed Payback Kid. Flesh of my flesh... is gone. Dead by suicide, accompliced by PTSD and alcohol. My life will never be the same. I cannot be the same. I am different. I am changed. My mission in life has therefore forever changed too. I’m not exactly sure how it’ll change my actual mission statement, but I know I can’t be “just sad” about another single suicide. I have to “do” something to rage against it. It is evil and taking too many people. I hate suicide for taking my son and so many others I have loved, known and heard of who were themselves loved. Suicide is like cancer... and you know what? People had enough of cancer robbing lives and fought against it. It’s not eradicated but they’ve dialed in treatments, survival rates are up, prognoses are better and it’s because people put effort into understanding how it works and destroying it. I want to destroy suicide! I am in a fight to stop this statistic from rising. I MUST do what I can to analyze and figure out the enemy suicide and its alibis and weaken their forces and slow, slow, slow the death-by-suicide rate. May the Lord be with me, help and equip me for this mission this journey, this battle! If YOU are interested in joining the fight too, email me at: [email protected] the goal to start is to meet monthly and bring what we can to the table, lay it out and see what we can do to know our enemy better and weaken it. April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. There isn’t anyone I can think of who has been a better advocate for abused and neglected children than Debi Cawdrey, so this month she is my featured lady. After a lifetime career with the Chelan-Douglas CASA program, Debi retired last January and yet her advocacy for children began before, and continues after, her service within the CASA program. It all started shortly after the loss of not one but two children...
Debi and her husband Pete were the parents of one biological child, Joshua, but tragically suffered the heartbreaking losses of two other children, Peter and Matthew, to complications of premature birth. Their heart for children and the holes the boys’ losses left, were simply too big. With an open heart and mind to alternative family options, Pete and Debi adopted Micah and Adam. When Debi and Pete had concerns about a neighborhood friend of their sons’ a new role, as child advocate blossomed in Debi’s life. The boy needed shelter care and they prayerfully considered and accepted the him into their home. They became licensed foster parents with an intent to simply shelter children until they could reunify with their parents. They ended up becoming adoptive parents to six children who had been involved in the foster care system. Volunteering for the CASA program connected Debi with Sue Baker, one of the initial founders of the Chelan-Douglas CASA program. At Sue’s encouragement, Debi joined the CASA staff and spent the rest of her career, teaching and training CASA volunteers and advocating for the children. Over the years her title changed, but her heart for hurting kids never did. Debi’s faith in Jesus Christ is a driving force and motivation in her life. Her advocacy for children, no doubt is centered in her call to serve the LORD by serving some of the most vulnerable in society. Some would say Pete and Debi were saints for adopting children. I say they’re exceptional because their lives have been an example of living out their faith in service to others. Over the years their family has grown by leaps and bounds. The Cawdrey’s have adopted eight children in total and now boast a bouquet of thirteen grandchildren and one great-granddaughter. From her home life to her career Debi has truly been the hands and feet of Christ and a fierce advocate for abused and neglected children. Thank you Debi for your heart for these kids and your service to your community. You are dearly missed in the CASA organization, but I wish you the absolute best in retirement, you’ve earned your rest! DEBI’S STATS: Book recommendation: Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids a Guide for parents and Professionals ~ Regina Kupecky & Gregory Peck Current books: In Bible Study Debi is working through Jude and 1st Corinthians You can call her my friend, because that's exactly what Rachael Lundin is. She's also an accomplished professional, inspirational woman and now published author. Her new book, and first in her Young Adult series, The Chorus Chronicles, is due out this May. I was honored that she recently took some time to answer my curious questions about her writing journey. 1) How long have you been writing? I entered and took home honorable mention in my first writing contest in middle school for Born Captive, Died Free! It was the story of a horse as told from the perspectives of his different owners. I was pretty proud of myself and decided that I had reached the peak of my writing career. I didn’t try writing another story until 2005. Once I got started, I wrote all the time: on the bus, during lunch hours, and after the kids were in bed. My late husband, Charlie, was my biggest cheerleader. I entered my second writing contest the first year Write on the River hosted a contest and I took home first place with All Alone. It was fictional, but based on my experience as a six-year-old coming to terms with my parent’s divorce and feeling lost. A few years later, I entered the Write on the River contest again and this time got 2nd place for Road Trip, which was a true account of my sister and me renting a U-Haul to take our Grandmother’s body back to North Dakota for her funeral. 2) What is your story about and when can readers find it? Serenade of the Sasquatch is YA book that explores possibilities. What would happen if you randomly ran into a bigfoot in the woods? What if that bigfoot was on a quest? What if the whole reason you were in the woods was because you were trying to impress a girl? It is an adventure story that explores friendship and loyalty while solving a mystery. It will be available for purchase in May 2024. 3) How did you get the idea for your story? I have always loved books where the characters meet and interact with legendary creatures and I have felt cheated when a book hints of a creature like bigfoot in the woods, or a mermaid in the bay, but you don’t get to actually meet the creature. I figured if I felt that way, maybe someone else does, too. So, I wrote the book I wanted to read. 4) Do you have other stories like this? As a matter of fact, I’m currently working on the second book in the series. It is called Music of the Mermaids. I’m having a great time writing it. The plan is a 4 book series. 5) Where can readers find you? My webpage is RachaelLundin.com. I’m on Facebook under Rachael Lundin – Author Page. Come May, Serenade of the Sasquatch will be available through Amazon and bookstores will be able to order it for their shelves. 6) What books have you recently finished? What are you currently reading? What’s on your TBR list? Any recommendations for us? I’ve been obsessed by Sheila Turnage, who writes a delightful series in my genre starting with Three Times Lucky, The Ghosts of Tupelo Landing, and The Odds of Getting Even. Also recently, I finished the Wildwood series by Ellis Carson and Colin Meloy, which takes place near Portland, OR. I recommend both these authors. Also, everything by Eoin Colfer. |
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