One year ago today...
One year ago today was a Sunday.
One year ago today nothing would ever be the same.
One year ago today the man who would never leave me walked out the door.
One year ago today I literally came home from the grocery store to a “good-bye & good-luck” letter.
One year ago today I was abandoned, but I was not alone.
One year ago today, my sweet, sweet Savior, as gentle and loving as ever, was there.
One year ago today my family was there, my children near, and loved ones hundreds and thousands of miles away were just a phone call away.
One year ago today my friends, oh my amazing friends, were so there.

It would be a lie to say I wanted it to happen. It would be a lie to say I’m glad that it happened. It would also be a lie to say I wish it never happened. I’m grateful it happened. I don’t think there was anything so bad it couldn’t have been worked out. I think family and marriage are worth fighting for… but that’s not the way it played out, and it’s cool. I’m not one to grovel, or stay where I’m not wanted, or lay down and give up, play the victim, or wallow in a place of sadness for long.

Like King David did when his baby died and God did nothing to save it… I got up, washed my face, cut my hair and moved on from The Leaving to The Middle.

And here I wait, I heal, I laugh and live and make mistakes and try to be kind and honest and healthy and honor God with all I do and say. I embrace this crazy, amazing, lovely, absolutely wonderful life God has given me.

I love my life! My faith, family and friends are here for me. I am getting stronger every day and I like who I am becoming. My Middle is good! Settling down is on its way in due time. I can’t wait to find the church that I will be able to call “my” church. I can wait for the man I will call “my” man. I’m still too wounded to be a good partner in a relationship but I’m well enough to have great fun with real good guys! It’s nice even if my approach is … unconventional, and yes, I am staying pure and will remain that way! ;)

One year ago today started a year of firsts “without him.” I made it, not with as much grace as I would have liked but I made it.

Today I start a year of “just me” … and Jesus, and my family, and my friends, and my gym and handsome suitors, and who knows how My Middle will flow? I do not, but I am excited for it!

It’s no secret that I have been researching men and have a dating plan for My Middle. People have questioned it but I prayed about it and I feel at peace with my Maker about it… and on the off chance my plan is silly, God knows how to get me to reconsider. The plan was fine and good when dating was a theory and suitors were ideas. That’s part of the reason I made my plan before I started dating and getting to know anyone.
 
I knew the day would come when men became more than ideas and quaint coffee meetings turned into actual adventures to know each other better… and feelings started to muddle my sensibilities. Though I am careful and analytical I’m also a big old ball of emotional energy and knew it would behoove me to have a plan in place to keep my passions at bay and really, truly make sure the next time is the last time. Now that I've been dating for a while, I am more grateful than ever that I listened to wise counsel from friends and family and thought this through before getting wrapped up in feelings.
 
So the plan… what is my plan? Well in a nutshell: I'm not having sex and not falling in love and not dating exclusively at this time in My Middle...but am definitely investing focused time in getting to know good guys and doing fun stuff!
 
First of all, here’s the truth… I don’t want to be alone and certainly don’t want to be abstinent any longer than I need to. As much as I want to stop sexual offenses, I love good sex and I miss it dearly! I’ll be good until I’m married, but I’m not waiting years! I believe I’m a quality female with a personality, passion, body, soul, mind and spirit that is attractive to any number of good men (and all my single lady friends out there thinking they’re not… please, see the beauty within yourselves- we are beautiful, worthy of love and affection and worth a good man’s pursuit). I believe I shouldn’t have to search or wait for years for “the one” because, there are many high-quality men that I would partner well with. Instead of waiting and hoping for the perfect guy and time I’m condensing both into a short period. I don’t intend to be single much more than a year longer.
 
Feelings and signs failed me in the past it makes sense to me to meet good guys and do fun stuff and see who sticks, and who I’ll pair best with and then move on because as much fun as it is, dating is also time consuming and emotionally exhausting. I want to know the man I enter into a relationship with before we take that step. So I’m taking this time to learn about genuinely good men. Does my ‘plan’ reduce God’s ability to move in my life? No! I would say God knows me, He knows how passionate I am and will bring, (if He hasn’t already) the man that will be at the end into My Middle so that I can get to know him now.
 
I have been and will continue to be accountable and honest. I want this time to get to know good guys and do fun stuff not to fall in love or in bed with someone. God holds my heart safely in His hands and I have set conservative physical boundaries. I will only kiss while I’m dating because any more than that, in my opinion, dishonors God, myself, the men I’m seeing, and the man who will be the last lover of my life. I cannot see who is down the road, except to say he will be good, honorable, dignified, godly, fun and fit. I do not expect anyone to 'wait' for me... unless that is what they feel called to do. I know, as there are with me, there will be issues with every man, no one but Jesus was perfect. I'm not looking for the perfect guy, I'm looking to get to know good, normal men to know what they act like, to see what's typical and in due time take the next step into a relationship with someone I've become friends with, to know their character, habits and hang-ups, cause we all have them.

I don't know how it plays out, I just know my intention isn't to hurt anyone but to have fun right now. I’m afraid some men might get hurt because they want more emotionally or physically than what I am willing to give, but I also know I’m not hanging with poor quality guys, they’re good men and any number of good women are available to them. For me it’s all about time… taking time to have fun, to learn what makes the hearts, minds, souls and spirits of good men tick and … to see who sticks, because the thing is, it still all comes down to The Leaving. I’m more than OK with it now but I do not want to be left again, and if I choose wisely, I won’t be.
 
That’s my plan… I’m going to laugh, I’m going to have fun, I’m going to learn, I’m going to make quality friendships with honorable, high-quality men and I’m going to regret nothing!

And if you like my plan, do me a solid and buy Catching Tatum and check out her plan too!

OK the truth is I flip tires because I am severely lacking in the coordination department (well also because I just really like to flip 'em). But I’ve always been fascinated with dancing, so much so, Scandalous Affair is largely a book about an affair that ignites on the dance floor and Catching Tatum was inspired by Lee Brice’s song, “I Don’t Dance.” I love dancing I just don’t do it because I know I have no coordination.

Since I moved into Wenatchee I’ve walked past a sign in Pybus Public Market for free dancing on Thursday nights at least a dozen times, I even took a picture of it to remember the day and time. The thing that most intrigues me about it is that it’s offered by 2 Left Feet Dance. Well… that’s what I have so I figured, maybe someday I’d give it a whirl. It turns out someday was today.

It started with that song… I Don’t Dance. There I was, minding my own business in my cube and Pandora decided to take me back to a couple years ago when I first heard it. From the very first listening, I knew, I just knew, a story was in there. It was Cole and Tatum’s story and I still love it as much today as when it was a bubbling, babbling brook of an idea streaming through my mind.

So… the song played, and I realized it was Thursday. But Thursdays are notoriously busy for me, there’s Run Wenatchee with my JMAC babes, then the gym with my boy, then home. Tonight I was supposed to have Matea and Marlee over for dinner, so, like almost every other Thursday, I brushed it off. Then Matea had to cancel because my grandbaby is sick. There I was… suddenly free. Free to be me! To learn something new, to laugh at myself with no one I knew around to make me self-conscious, to meet new people, make new friends and try something I’ve always wanted to do.

It was an absolute blast!! I highly recommend any Wenatchee locals to give them a try. The instructors are super great and the lesson was a quick, easy one-hour filled with lots of laughing and encouragement! For you guys out there… there was a nice mix of ladies, most were attractive and seemed to be my age, give or take a decade either way. For the ladies …  Watch out for little old Wayne, he’s bent over, gray and wrinkled but is very clearly a lady’s man. And yes, he did ask me out to a bar he knows with dancing, and, although I am interested in the more dignified gents, I’ve been restricted to 49 and under and don’t dig the bar scene so I respectfully declined. I’ll leave Wayne and all his 7+ decades to the more dignified ladies  ;)

Here’s the take away, here’s what I learned from a lovely hour of instruction and fun:

#1 Good instructors can teach even those of us with little rhythm or natural sway in our hips to move around a floor with a respectable measure of grace and dignity.

#2 A good leader makes all the difference!

#3 I have confirmed that I have NO rhythm but I can count and memorize movements as well as words so I’m going to try it again!

#4 Dancing, is definitely as much fun to do in real life as I imagined it to be in my mind!

#5 These are the things I want in my Middle!!! Fantastic things I’ve always wanted to do and try and treasure. I know I won’t be single forever and while I do very much enjoy dating and getting to know good guys and doing fun stuff, I am just as much enjoying being uniquely, wonderfully, blissfully me… unattached, unrestricted, unfettered, free, doing what I want, when I want, with who I want, or with no one at all! I’ve been single and stupid and made lots of mistakes before. I’ve been single and lonely and desperate before. I never intended to be single again, but, I am here and it’s not that bad at all. I’m going to intentionally soak up the fun of answering to no one for a bit. Yes, I understand this is a selfish outlook and I don’t intend to be all about me for long, but for now, I am loving almost everything about the Middle!   

Well, my edits are back, which means it’s time for me to get serious about writing again so dating is largely going into hibernation for a bit. Before I switch focus for a while, I did want to share a little, tiny bit more about my adventures. First, even though I'm making fun of the forum, I want to say that I do very much enjoy online dating. It is a culture of it's own and as such has some pretty unique characteristics. Because of that... I have come up with some personal online dating rules based on my observations. I’m not saying they’re good for everyone so, take ‘em or leave ‘em as you please, but, without further ado... here they are:

Pictures:
If your picture is from 2000 or before … you’re a liar or delusional about how much time changes your face.

If you post no picture you’re either married, or married or probably married… or else you’re stuck in the 1900s and don’t know how to upload pictures and whilst I enjoy me some music from that century, I ain’t gonna date you if you’re still living back there.

If your picture is of a famous personality… who are you trying to fool? Likewise, if all your pictures are memes or nature… what are you hiding?

Duck lips on girls… bad enough! If you’re a grown man and post duck lips… go away!!! (Sadly, I’ve seen far too many!)

If your first picture is of you and an attractive woman… why? I don’t care if it’s your daughter, mom, aunt, ex and you looked really good in the picture, no… just no!

Click here for more online picture rules from real sources.

Profiles:
If you say you’re athletic but can’t tell me what a rep or plank is… again no! However, if you say you’re athletic and post a picture of your guns or standing at the finish line of a race to prove it, ohhhh yeah!

If you say you’re Christian and I ask you about your faith and you have none… just change the status, it’s a conscious choice to click it.

If you say you’re a hunter but have no victory pictures, are you?… really? Cause a hunter would show what he harvested! However, if you’re a hunter and want to bring some bear meat to our first date, that would be so much better than flowers, just putting it out there!

If you’re a sports fan of any kind and are devoted enough to advertise it in your profile… there are women out there for you, I am not her. No, I will not even watch “just one game” for you, but I assure you there are millions of women who will… move on to them.

If you like getting lost in the mountains, hiking, bonfires, mudding, shooting, anything like that, I’m down!... But not for a first date yo! Strangers… in the woods… that’s a Criminal Minds episode right there and Derek might not know where to find me!!!

Click here for more online dating profile stats from real sources.

Anyway, it’s been fun, I’ll still gather data but, the words... they call me!! I must go to them!
 
 

My dating plan is eccentric. Few get it but it was devised with much prayer and listening to the people in my life that I trust, respect and value the most. NO ONE has said their rebound relationship was a great idea. NO ONE has said to go fast, choose quickly, and fall in love while still sorting out the mess. Most people say they moved too fast (but some have said they waited too long). Science shows it takes 2-3 years to recover. The LORD, my God, my #1 has given examples through time of people jumping the gun and shooting themselves in the foot.

I’d like to think that I can do this dating thing better now than I did as an insecure, horny teenager. With all due respect and reverence to the Faith that is my Guiding Light in life, I’m tired of looking for signs. If I needed a sign, I got one with He Who Left. I was sure he was the one for life… I’m done with signs; I don’t care how many pop up. I’m done with feelings, I don’t’ care how strong they are.

I’m not done with love.

I’m a romance writer. I believe in love! I’d like to believe I’m worthy of love and that I can find One who will not leave. I believe the Bible, and believe it’s not good for me to be alone. But this time it won’t be a pressured, horny or emotional decision, it will be deliberate, intentional and calculated. I have purposed this time in my life to meet good guys and do fun stuff. I want a man that will not leave me, even when it’s hard. I want a man that I can respect and honor and compliment. I want a man who believes in me and loves me. I’m sensible enough to believe there isn’t just one man that fits this mold. I believe I’m not the only woman who fits any man’s mold. We are souls compatible and incompatible. We are bodies, minds, spirits, capable of coupling and partnering for life despite differences. It is my strategic plan to choose the man I partner with best and who is the best match for me, in the time I have to search. I’m not making a lifetime of looking, I’m gathering data, and in due time will see who sticks and who I partner with best. If I have to have fun dating, getting to know good guys and doing fun stuff that none of us will regret later to find a match, I will happily take on the task and do that!

So, I am dating online and in real life. I’m not one to keep it online so if they aren’t local and can’t hold my interest, meh… I bore easily and move on. I’m interested in meeting guys… to look at, touch, hear, talk to, smell and maybe taste every now and then… just being honest. (Don’t take that too far, I’m a good Christian woman and have conservative boundaries I DO NOT cross. I’ve trained my body not just to get fit but to prove that I have self- control over my urges)
I really like the online forum and wish that real-life worked the same way, because then it would be a more local pool of people. As it is, in real life, women are told, trained and believe that making the first move is fool-hearty. Men are, for all their bravado and big talk, scared to death to approach ladies with twinkling eyes and seductive smiles. I have no way of telling men my status. I have no way of saying what my interests, religious beliefs or family dynamic is. Online, the basics are right there. For all my convoluted conversations about absurd notions, I’m a direct person when it comes to how I want to live my life. I appreciate having stats right there.

Of course the hope would be people are honest and I can say the men I’ve actually met are genuinely good men that are, like me, looking to see what’s out there. Some say hi and quickly learn I’m not their cup of tea or vice versa. Some make it to coffee and no further. Exactly two in three months have made their way into real dates. One is a nice guy but not so bold as I like and won’t make the cut.

The other… well, I like him. He’s cool! He’s fit, he’s a man of God and action and yeah, I like him. Is he the one? Who knows!?!?! As much as I like him, I’m not ready to make that call. He’s definitely potential. But I’ve got plenty of time to see what else is out there. He’s definitely someone’s cup of tea. I’m not worried, either we’ll be together or we won’t. The beauty of it is… he’s an amazing guy and he won’t have any difficulty finding someone. I know whether it’s me or someone else he will be honored and loved and he will find what he’s looking for.

I didn’t expect to be an object of affection. It’s humbling and weighty. It’s easy to fall for the feelings. But I won’t. I’ll continue to look for good guys and do fun stuff. I’ll cultivate relationships full of fun but free of regret. I’ll get to know good men. I’ll get to do fun stuff. I’ll see who sticks. The Leaving almost killed me. If I have to take time now to shake out the leavers, I will, with no regrets.

The hard part is that this is real-life. This isn’t a story I’m creating, with paper characters that I can tear down to build up into a great story. These are real men with real bodies, minds, souls and spirits. They are taking time with me and I owe them gratitude and honor for considering me worthy of their time. These are good men I’m meeting. They are taking time with me. I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I mean to know what drives them, what wakes them up in the morning, why they would be interested in me, if our lives could blend for the rest of our lifetimes. I mean to make the wisest choice, for him and for me, in the time I have to choose.

All in all, over the last 3 months, dating has been fun, I look forward to the next part of my middle… and to the time and the man that I can intentionally fall in love with. Until then, this is fun!!! I will date as I live with chaos and irony and passion and pleasure and First things First. Someday I will love again, for now, it’s good guys and fun stuff!