Hedonism
1.the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life 2.a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism Heroism 1.heroic conduct especially as exhibited in fulfilling a high purpose or attaining a noble end 2.the qualities of a hero I hope I’m known as a godly woman. I’d also like to be known as; kind, loving, empathetic, compassionate, joyful, fun, artistic, enigmatic, happy, fit, loyal, dedicated, energetic, hardworking, spunky… OK I’d like to be known as a lot of things but mostly for honoring God, doing good and loving life. If that is how I do life, doesn’t that bring God glory? I’m grateful for what He’s given me; this body, this earth, these friends and family. I embrace the blessings I have and reach out to make the world a better place. Fun and service. It’s biblical: “So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 8:15. King Solomon’s whole ecclesiastical meandering is; respect God & love life because there’s really no other point. When I think about it, if evil were eradicated, if the kingdom of heaven were here, if we all operated on God’s principals what more would there be to do than to love God, have fun and do good? God is love and God is good… and God is fun! Look at the mountains to climb, lakes to swim, animals, plants... the sights, smells, sounds and feelings all around us. It’s good! There’s my justification. Here’s my confession: I most definitely tended toward hedonism. In its purist form, as long as I took God with me, honored Him in my pursuits and loved others, I didn’t see wrong in that. And then something happened… A squishy feeling started to wax like the moon inside me, slowly night by night, until it was full. It was like watching an old Batman show... There I was, having fun, loving God and… “Meanwhile somewhere in Gotham a little girl was being molested, a little boy was starving to death… TO DEATH! A man beat his wife and a woman shoved a needle in her arm…” But I was having fun, and I was a good person, and I was honoring God. Besides, every time I thought about the evil in the world it overwhelmed me. There’s so much evil! How can I make a change? Evil is too big, my heart too small to handle the pain. Better to look away and … maybe say a prayer for that little girl, whom I identified with so deeply. But I said a prayer when I was her. I remember my prayer... Help! Why God, won’t anyone help me? believe me? listen to me? see what’s happening and stop the bad guy!? I wondered, could I help someone? I mean, I’d still have fun but maybe help a little too. First I gave money. Just enough to make me feel better. I could support a Paralyzed Vet for a one-time donation of $5 and hold my head high. It started to feel like a pay off. $5 here, $10 there and I could do what I wanted and not feel guilty about that elderly shut-in who hadn’t seen another person in five days, but it’s OK because their adult grandchild would bring them groceries and sit with them for an hour on the weekend. I decided I ought to give time and talent too. But then… Oh, the horror! A thought occurred to me… I think I have a Savior complex! I figured I better not do anything than do something because I wanted to save someone. I cannot save a single soul. I’m not Christ and even He gives us the choice. Still it didn’t feel right turning my head away when I had time, money and ability to do something. I found ways, not to save but to serve, in the name of Jesus, and to ease the squishy in my heart. I believe in advocating for abused and neglected children. I focus on kids as much as I can. Serving has become a way of life. Not because I can save the world (although I think all good people like the idea of being heroic) but because it feels good, and it makes sense to ease the pain of others. What gets me is wasted opportunity to help… Why doesn’t the Watershed festival take 15 or 20 minutes to talk about the Wounded Warriors and ask for donations? Those country-loving, beer-drinking cowboys there would be happy to throw $5s or $20s by the thousands in that plate! Why can’t entry into a run include a donated pair of shoes for kids in parasite infested developing countries? Why don’t restaurants give a portion of their proceeds EVERY week to charity… and why don’t we (or me, hedonist, me) patronize them on that day? Can’t I have fun AND make the world better? Can’t we profit AND bless? Shouldn’t we, the most blessed people and country in the world be the most kind, loving and generous? And now the call out... To my Christian brothers and sisters, having fun, doing good, loving God and maybe not pulling your weight. I’m not trying to judge, but if I do judge, it is you, my family, I have right to judge. If you feel that squishy inside… you know you ought to do something! You are light! If you know the good you ought to do and do not do it… you sin! GO, be light, be salt, be real, relevant ambassadors of Christ! Find your ministry, give your money, time and talents to serve God and serve others… and have fun!!! To the rest, you are blessed! Pay it forward! Fight for those too weak to fight for themselves! Be a hero! Find a cause you care about and participate. Use your money, your time and your talent to make the world better. Go ahead, be a hedonist… and while you’re at it, be a hero too…
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So, I'm doing the online thing and THIS happened today... (full disclosure this guy and I have been talking for about two weeks, pretty superficial but nice enough... and then this!!! I cannot believe his nerve!) Just needed to share my rant!
... they say a picture's worth a thousand words, well he got NO picture but he did get nearly 1,000 words. THE NERVE!!!! He says: "All women can clean, do laundry and have sex. What else do you offer your man??? Also its very rare not to test drive a car before you buy it, no sex before marriage. Do you plan on getting married within a month or max of two, or do you want to wait a few years before getting marriage? What about oral sex are you willing to do that daily while waiting for marriage?" MY RESPONSE: OK here's the deal buddy... I'll be direct and to the point then fill in the details. The short of it is this... nope, I'm not having sex of any kind, and I'm not sorry about it. I place a high value on my body, I've worked hard for it, I'm proud of it and it's mine! It's actually the one and only thing in this world that is mine! I don't do test drives, and am trying really hard not to be pissed that you think that's a reasonable request. I'm not a car! I am a human being, a body, a mind, a soul and spirit. I have thoughts, feelings and needs, I am a person to be valued and appreciated not a thing to 'test drive' on a whim to see if you prefer an Italian interior to an German one! Here's the rest if you want it, but you have every right to move on. Probably I should but YOU pushed my buttons! So I vent with words, here goes... Unlike you, I am not looking for a relationship at this time in my life ... I'm looking to meet good guys and do fun stuff. My profile sums it up. It would be unbecoming of a woman (or man) of dignity and character to hook up, sexually, even orally, (thanks for making that distinction), with multiple partners when they know full well they're not looking to get serious at this time in life. For me a sexual relationship will come from knowing a man and being well known by him in mind, soul and spirit first. I am of the opinion that God's allowed for a little physical fun to see if there's chemistry but the sexual pleasures will be left for the man who has proven he's into all 4 dimensions of my being not just getting in my pants. What else do I have to offer?! Here's what I have to offer to "my man"... not that I'm in any hurry to find him only to measure the character and metal of men right now. All of this is a future projection... I'm not there yet. I'm just answering your other question, which is actually a respectable one imho! I'm a pretty cool chick. I'm not ugly, not a trophy wife, but certainly not one any man would be ashamed of. I'm fun, I'm smart, I'm really fit, I'm unique, quirky and full of spunk! I'll for sure keep my man guessing... and probably make him feel good about himself and that I'm his woman a few times a day. Oh and he will smile and shake his head in bewildered amusement a few times a day too. When the time is right, I can captivate and hold an audience with my wit and stories but I know when to hang back and let others take their time to shine. I can be the biggest cheerleader for a man (or anyone or anything) I believe in. I am proud of my people and I make sure my world and sphere of influence knows how awesome my people are. Respect and honor are huge deals to me, so I will give my man utmost respect and honor, because he will be worthy of it. I will partner with him to achieve the goals and desires he has set for his life. I'm a woman of strength and independence that will have no problem with my man doing his thing which gives me my time to do mine. Then when we come together it'll be all the better, yeah? But, with that said, family, faith and fitness are hugely important to me and I'll eventually partner with a man that I can share the same faith and at least some sort of fitness routines with (WODs, hikes, runs, yoga). Domestically speaking, that's already summed up, house work, yes, I keep a clean house but would be pissed if someone expected me to be a maid and left messes. I'm a hiker, the whole "leave no trace" thing... goes for home too. I like a clean house for myself and will always maintain one. "My man" can enjoy my preference for order and cleanliness. And if we're going to talk about sex, what I will say is this is the first time in my life I haven't lead with it. It is, admittedly, a novel concept for me, but one I am 100% positive I'm sticking with, I have a high value in myself and more than that, I trust that God wanted it that way for good reason. With that said I have a very high libido. I'm excited to partner with a man who is capable, adventurous, uninhibited and well skilled in and out of the bedroom. And yes, I believe open and honest communication before sex is had, says a lot about a person's sexual appetites, preferences and performance. I am mindful now, in this time of abstinence, to not get myself off in anyway that a man can't compete with because I want my man to be my primary source of sexual pleasure. And as for the marriage part... right now I'm getting to know character, quality, and substance and I'm fooling around a little, tiny bit. When it's time, and it's not time yet... but when it is, no, it won't be 'a few years' I imagine it'll be pretty quick, because we will have already established an intellectual, emotional and spiritual connection, compatibility by then shouldn't be a question to either of us. So... if you're still reading, I'm sure you'll have your two cents to shoot back my way... Do share! I’m going to do this, I’m going to go there. If ever I wanted debate or comments on any blog post, I think it would be this one. Here’s the truth I absolutely, 100% completely judge women (and men) based on what they wear. If you look like as slut, well, that’s the first descriptor that pops into my head when I see you. If you wear vagina shorts to the gym I think you’re there to show off you hooch or backside as much as your strength. If you wear a running skirt, I assume you must be a more than modest woman. If you wear pajamas to the store, I think you have a low self-esteem, are depressed or exhausted with life. If you wear camo, I expect you to be a hunter, Carhartts a working man with thick callouses. If you’re all name brand from your head to shoes, I assume either you’re wealthy and it’s your norm or that you’re obsessed with image and idolize yourself. Marley shirts, you’re 420 friendly. Suits, business, politics or religion.
I judge. I’m not proud that I make these judgement calls but I admit I do. And I know I am not alone. It’s what we do, we categorize, we sort, we order our world and our people. The worst part for me is that that slut judgement call I made… might, maybe point right back to me. It’s possible that my assault happened because of something that I wore. It was risqué, and I put it on with the intention of having people notice me. I felt pretty… I can’t say sexy, but definitely pretty. Did I intend to provoke an assault? No, but a reaction for sure. Did I ask for it? Absolutely not! ... But I’ve always struggled with the what ifs of that night. If I hadn’t chosen THAT to wear, would he have done what he did? If my legs were more covered, access more restricted, could I have saved myself? Was my choice of outfit the reason I was assaulted? Could my clothing have been a consideration for him? Compared to naked women in some equatorial developing countries I was definitely more covered, so it couldn’t have been my clothes that begged him to touch me, right?! Or was it? Am I responsible… even in the smallest way for his violation of my body? In my heart of hearts, I truly believe evil will be evil no matter what the situation is. I do not think my choice of attire should have been a factor in his decision to assault me. I do not believe I should have been assaulted, or anyone should be sexually assaulted ever! No matter what! No matter why! There is never a reason for anyone to violate the sexual boundaries of another. EVER! So what does that mean? Can I dress seductively if I feel like it and expect to be as safe as if I dress like I’m going to court? I’ll be honest, I feel super sexy in fishnet! I LOVE the way my legs look and feel in them, I feel pretty when I wear them… but am terrified to wear them around men in too short skirts! I love seeing my shape, that I’ve trained hard for, and I can only see it in clothes that hug my curves. I want to show off my hard work, it didn’t happen on accident. But is that wrong? Provocative? Do I consider how others perceive me? Of course! That’s part of the reason I dress as I do. Since I was offended, I’m careful in what I wear, how low or how high it goes and when and where I’ll dress in certain things. But why? If I feel pretty, sexy or cute in it, shouldn’t I be able to wear it? And yet I still sit in judgement of ladies that dress provocatively. I judge! Me! The one who was offended. Do I think they’re asking for it? Maybe? Or maybe it’s fear, that they’re gonna get it. I know what an offense like that feels like. I know how the question will haunt them, if they’re violated for the rest of their lives. Do I judge because I think they’re provoking evil ? And why? Why do I make that call when I would feel pretty wearing the same thing? I don’t know. Do you judge? Do you have an opinion on the topic? Can you speculate on why I judge them the way I do? Please leave comments and dialog on this one! If you’re over 30 and reading this and have never been sexually assaulted or molested, congratulations, your likelihood of being offended is significantly reduced. Most sexual assaults go unreported but we know 44% of victims are under 18 and 80% are under 30. Also, boys and men are far less likely to ever report an offense… but, and this is my opinion (with a little bit of statistical data to back me up) they’re offended as often, only usually at a younger age or by a same aged peer so that it is perceived as a playtime activity instead of rape or molestation. This means our youngest, weakest and most vulnerable are the ones most likely to be offended.
When I became a CASA the one hard limit I had was that I could not, would not, should not be on a case that involved sexual abuse. Because of my past it didn’t seem safe to my emotional well-being to go there. The idea of a child, young girl or boy, young woman or man being offended sickens me, actually almost makes me ill. I do not understand it. And so, because of my own assault and the yucky feelings it festers up, I have largely been like most of the good population and completely, utterly and nearly entirely avoided the subject. My hope, was that if I pretend I do not see it, it would go away. But it will not, and if we, the good people of the world, sit quietly by, or silently participate in the abuse by pretending it’s not there, it and the symptoms of an unhealthy-sex crazed society will get worse. The problem is too big. There is nothing any one of us can do to stop it. The crimes too vile. The evil will prevail, there’s nothing we can do… or is there? What if we talk about it? What if we castrate offenders... because statistics dictate that most offenders are repeat offenders, and by repeat I mean one offender can have dozens to hundreds of victims? Or what if we kill them? Why don’t we make prosecution harder if we all agree it’s so heinous? Why do so many repeat offenders go untried or reported? Because they look good and prey on the ignorant and innocent. We picture offenders as these dark, dirty evil monsters, if they were all like this no one would have a problem taking care of them. But most of the ones that get away with most of the abuse are unassuming: babysitters, neighbors, brothers, sisters, playmates, fathers, coaches, boyfriends, grandmas. Sick huh? We don’t want the devil to be someone we like, let alone someone we love. Because if evil wraps itself in a smile, who can we trust? Who is good? Who is safe? What has the world come to? My goal this year in my writing is to do something to bring attention to it. I can’t make it go away by myself but I can stop closing my eyes to it. My offender didn’t go away. My silence was out of fear, of him, sure, but more than that out of fear of not being believed. I was young, full of drama and maybe dressed inappropriately, who would believe me? Better to say nothing than to be humiliated. Then when I was brave enough to stand up to him… too much time had gone by, the statute of limitations saved him. He was safe and I was scarred. So yeah, evil smiles. Good looks away. I look away no more. I do not know what to do. This will be a process for me as much as way to bring awareness. I do know I’ll take special interest in figuring out what we, the good people, can do to stop it and what we are currently doing to condone it, because I think there’s power in us uniting against evil. I think we’re more likely to do something together to stand against sexual abuse than the bad guys are to stop themselves. As Gia’s Secrets prepares to see the light of day, I prepare to stand against the most heinous evil I have ever looked deep in the eyes. I can’t stop it, you can’t stop it, but together maybe we can do something about it! |
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