 “So breathe mama, keep breathing…” A package in the mail. A card that told me to breathe and took my breath away. A book that told me, the mother who couldn’t keep my son alive, that I was the mother of all mothers. Who knew this grief of mine and would send this?
The painfully sad thing is… in an instant I thought of her, and her, and her, and her, and… so many women who might know I needed to be reminded to breathe, because they knew this breath sucking pain of loss all too well. I rapid texted “Did you send this?” to a handful of ladies who had been offering comfort, but Carrie was first, and she did in fact send the breath in the mail that got me through a solid week or more. Carrie Sorensen is the mother of all mothers and has a lot to say on losing a child to suicide… I first met Carrie sometime back when our kids were in school together. She had a cute girl. I had a cute boy. They liked each other and were boyfriend and girlfriend cute together for a time. I admired Carrie’s heart for the Lord and her family. She was, and is even more now, an inspiration and example of what a good mom and godly woman is. Carrie knows this pain all too well. I mourned with her nearly three years ago when she lost her daughter, Andrea the same way I lost Jake. She took her grief to the Lord and shared her pain, her questions, her hopeful-despite-it spirit, and unflappable faith with all of us on her website: https://thesorensen5.wixsite.com/website-1 No one can say it all but Carrie’s carefully crafted words and posts speak to the heart of the pain I now know on a far more personal level than I ever wanted to. Her depth and raw honesty on her loss and how she’s processing it has long been beautiful. In these weeks and months and one full season since the unthinkable her words have become a safety net I can fall into. I do not want to feel this, think this, know this, but there is unexpected comfort in knowing this, all of this, is not unique to me. I am not alone. God is here and she has walked this journey ahead of me. If you are struggling with grief or loss or questioning your faith, you too might find some comfort in her words. Thank you Carrie <3 CARRIE’S STATS: What Carrie has to say about books: “So, reading has been challenging for the last 3 years…I can’t keep my brain from wandering. So I crochet and listen! But…I have started reading again!” Last book read: The Outsiders – SE Hinton Current books: The Uglies …middle school teacher right? Karen Kingsbury: Truly, Madly, Deeply Her book rec: A Grief Disguised – How the Soul Grows Through Loss by Jerry Sittser “[Jerry Sittser] was a prof at Whitworth, and he emailed me that he had seen Andrea worshiping… My best friend sent it to me within days of losing her, and I read it in those first few weeks. It showed me one could survive unimaginable loss…it can be done… “
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